cut and run.


when you make the choice to end things, be ready for it to end. when he says that you need to leave by day’s end, bury your head in the pillow. ask him to pause and think about things. when he says “no,” switch into survival mode.

call your parents. tell them what happened – “no i don’t need to come home. no i don’t know where i’m going to live. i don’t know. i’ll talk to you when i figure some things out.”

drive to u-haul, ask for a van. “when do you want it?” “now.” when they ask you, “where will you be moving to?” tell them that you don’t know. when they insist on having an address, cry.

take the keys. drive the u-haul. start tasking what needs to happen. survive.

call your friend who has been there for you over the past five years. the one who has seen your worst, best and everything in between. you can’t be alone right now. admit it. keep packing, you have to be out. be surprised at how few things you have – probably less than 10 boxes. when your friend gets over, cry.

post on facebook that you need a place to live. answer every phone call, text message, etc. etc. say thank you. cross your fingers. when the packing gets overwhelming – sit. pause. be silent. apologize for not moving more quickly. keep moving. take breaks. get out.

breathe.

look up storage places – when they’re more expensive than you thought. panic. answer the phone, “i can seriously stay at your place? today? i can bring my things over now?” cry.

eat. you need to eat. release your friend – he’s been with you all day. tolerating your frequent breaks and seemingly unending silence. drive. cry. survive.

tell your new roommates thank you. thank you. keep saying thank you. call your parents. tell them you’ve found a place and you’ll be okay. start unpacking. take breaks. it’s all sinking in. you can stop panicking. i know you’re tired but you can’t stop. survive. finish unpacking. breathe.

call your friend – she’s proud of you. she wants you to know that you are still complete. she cares. drive the u-haul back. drive to you new place – don’t pass by your old place. don’t do it. get home. park. allow the loneliness to set in. you’re grieving loss. partner. dog. home. neighbors. cry. breathe. survive.

remember that you’ve made dinner plans. plans that have become even more essential right now. do not be alone. get to your friend’s house. hug everyone tightly. extra long. hold on. set the table. pour the wine. laugh loudly. belly full. you’re sad but you can allow yourself to be happy in this moment right now. you are loved. have your tarot read. feel encouraged. listen to the divine. “you’re on the right path. share your optimism.”

walk home. crawl into bed. cry. breathe. sleep.

survive.

2 Comments Add yours

  1. inidna says:

    I really enjoy the way you have written out this strong of events – as much as it may have been painful. Reading this is actually quite reminiscent of my own recent experience… It hurts and it definitely sucks but you damn will survive this!

    1. inidna says:

      Oops, sorry, I meant string of events* not strong of events!

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